A review of the Spoons I have been to in Bristol

Get ready for another comprehensive and wholly-authoritative review about places where people get drunk!

The Berkley (4/10)

I think, very unpopularly, that this is one of the worst places in the world. It is sticky, somehow constantly (even in the daytime), there are never any seats, and it (unless you are going at 1 pm) takes several years to get a drink. The Quorn nuggets I ordered here didn’t even come with the sweet chilli sauce, which I think speaks for itself. The only thing that makes a terrible pub worse is cold, dry Quorn nuggets without any sauce. Lest we forget also, that tampon that was just stuck to the glass dome for months? Why the Spoons staff thought that any pub-goer would be content with sitting directly under a floating tampon is beyond me. I am glad that the fresher trend of starting every night at the Berkley finished quickly because I hated this place with a passion and would give me the most negative and unattractive start to the night. Even despite the cute coloured glass dome, this pub is ugly. The only saving grace is tucked away into a corner, leaving the rest of the dark brown and grey interior to speak for the whole pub. Also, the use of spacing for seats is shit. They could undoubtedly fit far more seating areas than they do and I think this is a mortal sin. As a member of the ‘Wetherspoons Carpet Society’ on Facebook, the fact that this pub does not have a memorable carpet also makes me hate it more. The only reason I am giving it a 4 is that sometimes I see some friends I haven’t seen in a while there, and, more profoundly, this is where I met George Stiff. So, it cannot be all bad.

WG Grace (9/10)

This marvellous Wetherspoons pub is undoubtedly my favourite of them all. In fact, I’d be so inclined to give it a ten if giving perfect marks to any Spoons didn’t seem so profoundly wrong. I will have a good night here, and, in fact, I think I only have had good nights here, since coming to Bristol. It’s incredibly well located, very well laid out, and even has a fireplace for you fancy Spoons goers. In so far as its design, it’s perhaps the least exciting out of them all, due to the lack of any glass designs (which for some reason the Wetherspoons in Bristol specialise in). But, let’s be honest. People don’t go to Wetherspoons for the aesthetics. You go to see your friends, and you go to get mortal on ‘cheap’ alcohol. Which are both incredibly easy and common in W.G. In saying that, I very much appreciate the outdoor area, which none of the other ‘Student Spoons’ have. The bar staff and security are incredibly friendly and kind, especially considering they are faced with thousands of rowdy privileged University students every week. And, bonus points for the fact that as soon as I alerted them to a racist old arsebag at a table, they kicked him out and barred him immediately. The W.G. Grace is a very happy place of mine and the closest I will ever get to the William Morris again.

V-Shed (2/10)

Ahh, V-Shed. I hate you ever so much. What are you? I feel uncomfortable using you as a club, and I feel equally as uncomfortable using you as a pub. There is something so offending to me about this Wetherspoons. Maybe it’s that incredibly weird 80s dance floor shoved in the corner under the stairs. Maybe, it's the fact that despite being right on the incredible view that is the waterfront the windows are god-awful. Perhaps it’s even the lack of large tables because for some un-godly reason the vast majority of tables in there are those dinky circular high tables that can seat four at a stretch and certainly doesn’t leave any room for double parking. Anyway, I’ve only been thrice (one time it was filled with locals in high-heels which is at least a 5-point reduction just for that). I despised it once, and the other two times I was dissatisfied at best. V-Shed is the worst Spoons in Bristol that I have been to and I stand by that with all of my might.

The Commercial Rooms (7/10)

Despite not frequently going at all, I really enjoy this pub. They use the space, unlike the Berkeley, very well, and almost all floor space is covered in chairs. There’s not an outdoor area, as the entrance leads directly onto a very crowded and busy street, but if you’re not a smoker, this is really no big deal. The windows are a bit crap. Nevertheless, the ceiling is so high that you don’t feel like you’re getting swallowed into the clammy depths typical of all Spoons. They also have an extra fun selection of foods (by this I mean just one more option— the Rainbow Salad) which I enjoyed immensely while there and have never seen on a Wetherspoons menu again. All in all, I had a great time at this pub (regardless of the fact that I had my first panic attack in ages here) and would happily spend more nights in here. According to Wikipedia, it was the “haunt of local prostitutes” in the 19th century, adding a certain charm to the place.