Why do my drunk mates think it's okay to hit on me? A little bit of musing, mostly a rant.

Sounds a bit like a question on an advice column in OK! Magazine or something, doesn’t it— I struggled to title this.

Being in Greece alone for a bit has allowed me to detach myself from my life in England and consider how I want it to change when I get back. This particular matter is one of them.

It’s no surprise to any of you that I’m quite open about sex. I do this for a reason though; I truly, truly believe that the more one talks about sex, the healthier your relationship is with it. Communicating about sexual experiences with your friends every so often, especially those of the opposite gender, is so important in understanding how to create a safe environment for everyone involved and never push boundaries that shouldn't be pushed. What, when you’re on a night out, counts as dodgy or pushy, and what could make a girl uncomfortable... In fact, the people I’ve met that shy away from such conversations are also the people that I’ve observed being involved in a negative experience or bad relationship with it. Coincidence? Maybe, but I really don’t think so. It is so important to discuss and learn from other people's experiences about something that can sometimes go very, very wrong if you’re not acting in a manner which is universally understood to be acceptable bedroom behaviour.

I digress, but I only bring this up because I believe that this attitude toward openness sometimes gives some of my male friends the belief that I am someone with that they are allowed to behave sexually untoward to.

I’m not talking about flirting. I would call your left toe “sweet cheeks” if it could talk. I’m talking about a clear violation of reasonable behaviour between friends. Friends shouldn’t rub your legs, kiss your neck gently from behind when you’re sleeping, or grab your arse, or force themselves on you drunk. And yet this list, and more, have happened to me by male friends who, to the best of my knowledge, had no direct (or even indirect) indication that I was interested in them at all.

I do mean it when I say that this is unequivocally not okay, and I am under the impression that most of you would too, so I’m not quite sure why it’s happening.

It's easy to start blaming myself too, because, to my knowledge, this doesn’t happen to all my girlfriends with the same-exact guys that I have had these experiences with (although let me know if I'm wrong). And it’s not exactly as if I’m Beyoncé in which my wildly incredible looks would make any man forget how to act (not that it should ever, but the point stands). Anyway, it sort of just leaves me wondering whether I am giving off signals unknowingly in which I am some sort of sexual free-for-all in which male friends, when they’re a bit horny, can try for a spin.

A few months ago, I relayed a particular event from the night before involving someone I thought was a good friend of mine. I was quite upset, whilst the man I was speaking to about this was aghast and asked me why I would even consider remaining friends or being friendly ever again to this person. The sad reality is that number 1, I truly don’t want to lose these people's friendships and maybe number 2, in which I don’t want to be seen as sensitive or a prude because I’ve “misread” what they’ve done. On many occasions, I have made it clear that I’m not comfortable and then am told that I’m taking it wrong or I’m being silly so begin to doubt myself. In hindsight though, I always know I obviously haven’t. I think it should be pretty clear to everyone what you can and cannot do with your friends. Even when you’re drunk.

If getting drunk to you means you feel entitled enough to behave sexually immorally to your mates, don’t get drunk. Or have a severe change in personality in which you don’t resort to that when you’re fucked up. I know many, many men and women who are friends of mine who don’t feel the need to touch me or grab me to kiss them when they’re drunk. You’re all at least 19 years old. Do better.

And I don’t think I deserve to be made uncomfortable because a man, who I think is a good friend and therefore feels like I can speak openly with, takes my openness for granted and violates the trust of my friendship. I doubt that any of these guys even remember the event, let alone think of it at all. Whereas regardless of how drunk I was, I could name all of them in detail and how uncomfortable I was the next day in having to pretend it never happened to avoid feeling like I was putting a “friend” of mine in an awkward situation. Anyway, I’m bored of valuing people who think it’s fine behaviour’s comfort over my own. I don’t want to be friends with people like that anymore. Just because someone is open about sex does not mean they are open to having sex or would have sex with you. Especially, if you’re their friend.